This is a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt (from thoughtful-mind):
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
I started tonight with a random rambling post, but after 20 minutes, I deleted it. This speaks to me more. This is what I need to keep in mind.
Lately the past has been haunting my thoughts. I still think about last semester. It was several months ago, but it’s still with me. Social media doesn’t help, of course. I have dreams and random thoughts/memories about the things that happened. I thought I was getting over it, but I know now that I probably never will. There will always be a part of me that yearns for the sorority life that was taken from me. So long as I attend this college, that part of me will live on and will never go away.
With the thought of the life I could have had comes the memories of a very dark time. My last semester was tougher than almost any other time I can remember. I have a slight sense of dread at what the future holds, but buried beneath that dread is some hope. I know I say that hope is for fools and people who don’t know any better. I am a fool, I admit it. Being in a relationship has changed me more than even I realize sometimes. It’s made me hope again. It’s made me see the future.
Understand this. For a very long time, I could not see the future existing. I lived day-to-day, struggling to make it through one day so I could do the same thing the next. At one point, things were so bleak that I thought, “IF I make it to college next year…” as opposed to, “WHEN I make it to college next year…” That was not an easy time, to say the least.
I can see the future now, in a manner of speaking. I think, “When I make it to grad school…” or “When I get a job that I love…” It’s amazing how a single person can cause this dramatic change. He’s helped light a path and keep me stable when I start to trip over a tree root or slip down the mountain on this journey called life. Yes, I know that sounds corny, but it’s true. He makes me feel pretty and worthwhile…just good in general. Maybe that feeling is causing a change, but it wouldn’t exist without him.
Things are changing. Sometimes I feel like I’ve opened my eyes and can see the world around me in a whole new light. Sometimes I feel like I’ve closed my eyes and I’m seeing through my eyelids. I can still see, though, and that’s what’s most important.
The struggle that I’ve faced hasn’t gone away forever. It’s still there. Last semester I faced one of the deadliest challenges to date. Now it’s time to face another. “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.”
I will. And I won’t be alone.