Night: Snow/Midnight/Minstrels by George Winston.

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It was a bad weekend.

I am feeling the effects.

Inside, everything is cold.  Empty.  Void of all things that could even turn into warmth or substance.  It feels like there are icicles inside of me, and it feels like the cold that’s coming off of them is spreading.  It’s causing me physical pain.  I feel like I’m going to be sick.  I want to retch.  I want to throw up and make the darkness go away.  It’s not that simple, though.  I know it’s not going to just go away.

I can’t eat.  I can’t drink.  I can’t sleep.  I can’t concentrate.  I can’t be a normal person.  The tendrils from the cold feeling are poking into every bit of me they can find.  They are getting a grip on the things that make me human and squeezing as tight as possible.  It’s been slowly happening for a few days.  Now I’m starting to feel the ramifications.

I don’t know what to do.

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Fix You

By Coldplay.

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A lot happened.  Things aren’t good.  Things will never be good again.

Someone told me that things will get better.  That I’ll heal and move on.  I told her she was wrong.

Time and time again I have given my heart and soul to people. And time and time again it has been broken and pieces taken, never to be returned. At this point, what remains are the dregs deemed inadequate for any individual. The fragments that remain are nothing but the worst.

There’s nothing worth salvaging.

What can I do from here but shut the world out?  The slivers that remain need to be protected.

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Little tree

Sometimes I feel like the little tree in A Charlie Brown Christmas. Not anywhere near as pretty or glamorous as all the others. That lonely little tree that only a few people seem to like.


At the end of the movie, everyone gets together and decorates the little tree and makes it beautiful and loved. Linus even gives the tree his blanket.

I’m envious. What a lucky little tree.

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Carol of the Bells

It’s 2 weeks after Halloween and I’m listening to Christmas music.  I’m breaking my mum’s golden rule- no Christmas stuff until after Thanksgiving.  In my defence, I DID manage to hold off a couple of weeks.  The season from mid-November to the beginning of January is one of my favourite seasons.  The holidays CAN bring out the best in people, and I love that.

This is the best carol.  Carol of the Bells.  Mannheim Steamroller version.

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